star to star?

Being someone who is involved and moderately successful at pageantry... I have to be prepared to take on a reasonable amount of slack. I mean lets be honest, beauty queens haven't exactly had the best reputation in the US lately. What I put up with and what I don't put up with is completely dependent on the person that's teasing me. J, A, B, S, EM.... they tease me all the time, they are also however very aware at the level of discipline I have and exemplify in order to participate in these events. They know what I sacrifice, and they also know that I am anything but your average "pageant girl".

Yes, I can be stubborn, self-centered, self-involved, and hard to deal with at times but I am aware of these things. When it comes to the things I take seriously in this life; family, friends, my goals; I put all my needs aside and try to be the best person I can be. Over the years I have taken a lot of criticism for the activities I choose to participate in and I understand that there is a certain stigma that comes along with pageantry. My problem lies when people ignore the fact that I am much much more than that. Yes, I am an attractive person and yes, that has worked to my benefit many times, but it has also worked against me. Please don't confuse these thoughts with me bitching about my life. I am grateful for everything I have and every opportunity these things have provided me with. My point is to maybe open up a new way of looking at the situation for a minute. No one ever thinks about the negative things that come along with this.

The majority of my life, I have busted my ass to distinguish myself as a smart, caring, well-rounded, and yes ATTRACTIVE individual. I have also faced terrified looks when I express my desire to NOT be a House OR Trophy wife, and instead choose to support myself AND my husband/family if I choose to have one. The response I often get is "Well you could always just find a rich guy and you know... live the life of luxury.. why would you want to work when you can do that?" I love designer clothes and italian shoes, but I love them more when I know I paid for them. But this is a whole other post. Its a little disheartening when it seems like no matter what I accomplish I can never be differentiated from the pageant stigma. I was nominated by a very distinguished professor to be a Rhodes Scholar. Some of my friends response was, "Its a good thing your pretty". I mean come on... that's crap... what happened to someone saying "Wow that's great congratulations on your hard work!" It doesn't happen like that for me. Even now, as I am approaching the end of my college career and preparing for the job market, the contacts I have to help me get a job are asking me to send a picture along with a resume. Now what exactly does that have to do with anything?

I guess this all sort of culminated to a head last nite. About 3 months ago I realized that no matter what, I was never going to be taken seriously in my chosen field, being politics. I could probably get a job working for someone, but running on my own is virtually impossible. I am a Beauty queen.. no one on the planet is going to take me serious when I say I have ideas on how the nation could afford universal health care without raising taxes or hurting the capitalists that run this country. Its frustrating to think that no one is ever really going to listen to what you have to say or think you actually deserved your place in the world. I understand that this is probably really ridiculous for me to complain about these things, but when someone you thought finally got how you feel goes and says something to the effect of "What do you do? You just walk from star to star" it makes you step back and take a breath.. then get the urge to scream. I guess its just going to have to be good enough that I know I deserve it and I know I do a hell of a lot more than walk from star to star... even if I do happen to do that particular feat very well....