Being someone who is involved and moderately successful at pageantry... I have to be prepared to take on a reasonable amount of slack. I mean lets be honest, beauty queens haven't exactly had the best reputation in the US lately. What I put up with and what I don't put up with is completely dependent on the person that's teasing me. J, A, B, S, EM.... they tease me all the time, they are also however very aware at the level of discipline I have and exemplify in order to participate in these events. They know what I sacrifice, and they also know that I am anything but your average "pageant girl".
Yes, I can be stubborn, self-centered, self-involved, and hard to deal with at times but I am aware of these things. When it comes to the things I take seriously in this life; family, friends, my goals; I put all my needs aside and try to be the best person I can be. Over the years I have taken a lot of criticism for the activities I choose to participate in and I understand that there is a certain stigma that comes along with pageantry. My problem lies when people ignore the fact that I am much much more than that. Yes, I am an attractive person and yes, that has worked to my benefit many times, but it has also worked against me. Please don't confuse these thoughts with me bitching about my life. I am grateful for everything I have and every opportunity these things have provided me with. My point is to maybe open up a new way of looking at the situation for a minute. No one ever thinks about the negative things that come along with this.
The majority of my life, I have busted my ass to distinguish myself as a smart, caring, well-rounded, and yes ATTRACTIVE individual. I have also faced terrified looks when I express my desire to NOT be a House OR Trophy wife, and instead choose to support myself AND my husband/family if I choose to have one. The response I often get is "Well you could always just find a rich guy and you know... live the life of luxury.. why would you want to work when you can do that?" I love designer clothes and italian shoes, but I love them more when I know I paid for them. But this is a whole other post. Its a little disheartening when it seems like no matter what I accomplish I can never be differentiated from the pageant stigma. I was nominated by a very distinguished professor to be a Rhodes Scholar. Some of my friends response was, "Its a good thing your pretty". I mean come on... that's crap... what happened to someone saying "Wow that's great congratulations on your hard work!" It doesn't happen like that for me. Even now, as I am approaching the end of my college career and preparing for the job market, the contacts I have to help me get a job are asking me to send a picture along with a resume. Now what exactly does that have to do with anything?
I guess this all sort of culminated to a head last nite. About 3 months ago I realized that no matter what, I was never going to be taken seriously in my chosen field, being politics. I could probably get a job working for someone, but running on my own is virtually impossible. I am a Beauty queen.. no one on the planet is going to take me serious when I say I have ideas on how the nation could afford universal health care without raising taxes or hurting the capitalists that run this country. Its frustrating to think that no one is ever really going to listen to what you have to say or think you actually deserved your place in the world. I understand that this is probably really ridiculous for me to complain about these things, but when someone you thought finally got how you feel goes and says something to the effect of "What do you do? You just walk from star to star" it makes you step back and take a breath.. then get the urge to scream. I guess its just going to have to be good enough that I know I deserve it and I know I do a hell of a lot more than walk from star to star... even if I do happen to do that particular feat very well....
Friday, February 29, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Brer Rabbit and the Tar Baby
For anyone whose parents were lucky enough to score a copy of "Uncle Remus's Stories", before they were banned due to the excessive use of the word "Ni**er" , you have grown up seeing the world in a different light. My favorite Uncle Remus tale deals with Brer Rabbit and the Tar Baby. Brer Rabbit is lazy and obnoxious to his fellow forrest inhabitants "Brer Bear" and "Brer Fox" (cleaver names right?) But what perhaps makes him the most dispicable is his ability to outsmart Brer Bear and Brer Fox at every juncture in the road. The main jist of this story is all three charecters are digging a well in order to recieve..you guessed it! WATER! haha. Brer Rabbit decides hes to pretty to work that hard and wonders off to frolock, leaving the others to carry on his duties. (Obviously this is my own personal spin on the story, Uncle Remus would never think being TOO PRETTY was a good enough excuse, but I do... so here goes) Brer Bear and Brer Fox decide to get Brer Rabbit back and teach him a lesson for once and for all. They build some sort of contraption similar to a scarecrow and shape it to look like a baby. Then they cover it in Tar.. nice friends right?? Well Brer Rabbit is walking down the path and sees this creature whom he beleives to be a real person... Yea right... He stops and says something to the effect of "Good morning sir! Isnt the weather lovely today?" of course.. the tar baby says nothing... Then Brer Rabbit says "didnt your momma teach you its not polite to ignore someone when they talk to you?" again... no response. Brer Rabbit finally gets pissed off enough and threatens to "slug" the tar baby if he doesnt respond.. no response... so now Brer Rabbit's fist is stuck in the tar. OK.. heres where I have a problem with this story...He goes on to hit him again.. then kick him.. then head but him. This all continues untill Brer Rabbit has now gotten both his arms.. both his legs.. and his HEAD stuck in the Tar baby. Obviously this is not the Rabbit that outsmarted Elmer Fudd on Looney Tunes all those mornings.
This is where the story becomes an analogy in my mind. Like Brer Rabbit and the tar baby... you just keep going till you really get yourself in a mess you cant get out of.. he later gets thrown into the Briar patch.(Ouch). I feel like I am well educated and smarter than the average girl. BUT.. I get myself into these situations quite often.. more often than I will ever admit. Mostly with relationships. What is is about relationships? I mean you know your getting stuck.. and you still cant help yourself.. you cant control the urge to pull back and head-but the situation? Ok.. maybe this is a bad analogy but your getting my point. This logic doesnt stop at just realtionships, jobs, pets, family..ect. Why is it so hard for us to just walk away? To say "Thanks, I have had fun, given it my best go, but its not working out and if I stay here any longer Im going to have a head full of tar." WE CANNOT do this... its so hard to admit we have failed at something.. even if failing and bailing out early is WAY better than sticking around long enough to be pulling briars out of your tar covered skin.
Our society puts enormous amounts of pressure on us for EVERYTHING! To get married to, to go to law school, have a family... maybe this is why we keep kicking the tar baby? We dont want to start over again.. rebuild, repair.. most of all take the chance of getting hurt again.. or stuck in another tar baby. So we just keep trying, we keep wasting time on things that arent right for us, people that are not meant for us and a life that were not even sure we want. We just know thats what were supposed to want. MAYbE thats what lifes all about.. constantly getting into situations, then figuring out something from them, and trying really hard not to get stuck in the same tar baby again. Im not really sure how to go about changing this about myself of conditioning my mind to reject these obsedities... but I am sure that Im going to get some paint thinner, try to remove the tar, and keep going... im keeping the paint thinner handy though...
This is where the story becomes an analogy in my mind. Like Brer Rabbit and the tar baby... you just keep going till you really get yourself in a mess you cant get out of.. he later gets thrown into the Briar patch.(Ouch). I feel like I am well educated and smarter than the average girl. BUT.. I get myself into these situations quite often.. more often than I will ever admit. Mostly with relationships. What is is about relationships? I mean you know your getting stuck.. and you still cant help yourself.. you cant control the urge to pull back and head-but the situation? Ok.. maybe this is a bad analogy but your getting my point. This logic doesnt stop at just realtionships, jobs, pets, family..ect. Why is it so hard for us to just walk away? To say "Thanks, I have had fun, given it my best go, but its not working out and if I stay here any longer Im going to have a head full of tar." WE CANNOT do this... its so hard to admit we have failed at something.. even if failing and bailing out early is WAY better than sticking around long enough to be pulling briars out of your tar covered skin.
Our society puts enormous amounts of pressure on us for EVERYTHING! To get married to, to go to law school, have a family... maybe this is why we keep kicking the tar baby? We dont want to start over again.. rebuild, repair.. most of all take the chance of getting hurt again.. or stuck in another tar baby. So we just keep trying, we keep wasting time on things that arent right for us, people that are not meant for us and a life that were not even sure we want. We just know thats what were supposed to want. MAYbE thats what lifes all about.. constantly getting into situations, then figuring out something from them, and trying really hard not to get stuck in the same tar baby again. Im not really sure how to go about changing this about myself of conditioning my mind to reject these obsedities... but I am sure that Im going to get some paint thinner, try to remove the tar, and keep going... im keeping the paint thinner handy though...
the "5 P's"
When I was younger there is one phrase that always sticks out to me as being repeated over and over again. "Piss Poor Planning Provides Poor Performance". This was my fathers response to everything. Granted he grew up in a generation that blamed themselves for the problems in their life, unlike the current generation that seems to blame everyone but themselves. As I have continued through life, this phrase has stayed with me. My friends even tease me because I often regurgitate it to them to answer some of life's most frustrating questions. Today, however I am applying this logic in a different previously untapped way. What if this really is the answer to everything? Anyone that has read the world renowned book the "secret" knows that this is a mental logic that escapes most of us. The book explains that everything you could possibly want is literally available to you determined by your minds capacity to believe it.
This is getting deeper than I had originally intended but you see where this is going. Everything can be affected by how you plan for it. Take relationships for example. This is a really hard subject for most people and even if they can mentally grasp the concept, actually living it out is a whole other story. Most people plan their lives to a certain degree. Married by 30.. kids by 35... partner by 37.. and so on. This is healthy it helps keep you on track I suppose, but what it doesn't do is allow for the plan to vere in an unexpected direction. Most people think about the things they want in a mate, physical beauty, intelligence, good sense of humor. There are a great deal of people in the world that fill these categories. Unfortunately if your like me, these things are all relative. Someone instantly becomes more attractive to you the minute you give them eyes across the bar and they don't respond, or wait three days to return a phone call.
We KNOW what we need to stay away from in this world to not get hurt... a hot stove.."Don't touch it".. a burning building, jumping out of an airplane, drugs, alcohol. But still.. we do it. Relationships are the same way. I for one can tell from the first 10 min of meeting a man if they are going to be trouble for me or possibly good for me.. but lets be real honest here for a second.. no one looks at Mr Trouble and says.. "you know.. you're probably really fun, but emotionally unavailable and there's a 99% chance that I'm going to walk away from this heartbroken and blaming myself so to avoid all that I would really rather stay with Mr Good."
NO. We go ahead and jump into that boat... thinking we can repair it.. or worse.. we can get off at any time. Most women go from relationship to relationship ignoring Mr Good and falling for Mr Trouble over and over again. My father, would take all the emotion out of relationships, they are business deals, bigger than business deals because your dealing with your life, your unborn children's lives... hey that's some serious stuff. He would say "Lauren Piss Poor Planning Provides Poor Performance.. you knew that this guy would do exactly what he did and yet, you lacked planning and a mere sense of self control.. and once again... your screwed.."
This is getting deeper than I had originally intended but you see where this is going. Everything can be affected by how you plan for it. Take relationships for example. This is a really hard subject for most people and even if they can mentally grasp the concept, actually living it out is a whole other story. Most people plan their lives to a certain degree. Married by 30.. kids by 35... partner by 37.. and so on. This is healthy it helps keep you on track I suppose, but what it doesn't do is allow for the plan to vere in an unexpected direction. Most people think about the things they want in a mate, physical beauty, intelligence, good sense of humor. There are a great deal of people in the world that fill these categories. Unfortunately if your like me, these things are all relative. Someone instantly becomes more attractive to you the minute you give them eyes across the bar and they don't respond, or wait three days to return a phone call.
We KNOW what we need to stay away from in this world to not get hurt... a hot stove.."Don't touch it".. a burning building, jumping out of an airplane, drugs, alcohol. But still.. we do it. Relationships are the same way. I for one can tell from the first 10 min of meeting a man if they are going to be trouble for me or possibly good for me.. but lets be real honest here for a second.. no one looks at Mr Trouble and says.. "you know.. you're probably really fun, but emotionally unavailable and there's a 99% chance that I'm going to walk away from this heartbroken and blaming myself so to avoid all that I would really rather stay with Mr Good."
NO. We go ahead and jump into that boat... thinking we can repair it.. or worse.. we can get off at any time. Most women go from relationship to relationship ignoring Mr Good and falling for Mr Trouble over and over again. My father, would take all the emotion out of relationships, they are business deals, bigger than business deals because your dealing with your life, your unborn children's lives... hey that's some serious stuff. He would say "Lauren Piss Poor Planning Provides Poor Performance.. you knew that this guy would do exactly what he did and yet, you lacked planning and a mere sense of self control.. and once again... your screwed.."
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